She Wasn't Supposed To Feel
by Kat Lee formerly Pirate Turner
Summary: Cordelia knew she wasn't supposed to feel this way, and yet doing so is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to her.  Het.


Title: "She Wasn't Supposed To Feel"  
>Author: Pirate Turner<br>Rating: PG  
>Summary: Cordelia knew she wasn't supposed to feel this way, and yet doing so is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to her.<br>Warnings: Het  
>Word Count: 1,299<br>Date Written: 11 January, 2011  
>Disclaimer: Cordelia Chase, Angel, Francis Doyle, and any other characters mentioned within are &amp; TM Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, not the author; are used without permission; and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.<p>She wasn't supposed to feel like this. She wasn't supposed to take pride in her work. After all, she should not even have to work. She was a Princess or, at least, a very wealthy and beautiful young woman who had total right to all the power, prestige, fame, and money in the world. She should have suitors lining up before her, each waiting eagerly to award her with diamonds, a limousine, or even just humongous bank accounts. She shouldn't have to work, and she certainly shouldn't like that work.<p>

She also should not care about that work or the people it affected, and yet, she found herself caring more and more. Every one with any real brains knew that caring was a disease. It ate away at you until you became a sap ready to be picked at and used as the world's punching bag. And really, what did caring get you any way? Angel had been sent to Hell, Buffy had been killed, and Willow . . . Well, Willow was Willow, and that certainly said it all for that poor, wanna-be loser. Cordelia knew no one who cared about the world more than those three, and they'd certainly suffered far too much because of their caring.

It had still managed to crawl beneath even her tough hide, however, and no matter how hard she tried, Cordy just couldn't seem to shake it. She couldn't seem to help being pleased by the hugs and smiles of their clients, and joy beamed through her like radiant sunshine every time they saved a life - and, of course, got paid for the job. Saving lives was good, but money was still better. It may still feel good to save a life without getting paid for it, but it felt way better to get paid for the job.

That's what these people were, she reminded herself, watching Angel Investigations' latest clients file out of the office. They were a means to a paycheck. Helping them paid her bills. That's why she was still here, and she wouldn't be here for long. She'd get that call from Hollywood and get all the wealth and fame she deserved when the time for her big role came. Her star would shine, and these people would be only a distant memory.

As would the slime that now covered her. Man, how she needed a bath! Part of her still couldn't believe that she had dove in between that Demon and the little girl and kitten it had been launching to attack. What had she been thinking? She could have been killed, and then her star would never have come!

Cordelia's grin had still been firmly in place, but it had become faked as the family had started to leave and her thoughts had turned inward. Then her hazel eyes spied the little girl still standing in the doorway, the tiny, fluffy kitten clutched tightly in her small, pudgy arms, and Cordelia's smile, and soul, lifted again. She wasn't supposed to care, she thought as the mother returned, smiled at her and her co-workers, and pulled the girl and kitty away. She wasn't supposed to care or feel this way, but she couldn't help it.

"Aye, Princess, ye did well taenight," Doyle spoke, grinning, as he clasped her shoulder.

Cordelia looked up and found herself gazing not into Doyle's eyes but into Angel's. Her heart gave a jump that was becoming ever more familiar in the brooding hero's presence. She wasn't supposed to feel this way, either, she thought. After all, nothing could come from these feelings that Angel was stirring in her. Sure, he was a drop-dead, yumalicious hunk, but he was also dead. He also certainly couldn't have any real fun, thanks to the curse that couldn't be broken without all Hell literally breaking lose again.

But still she her heart hammered in her chest, her breath became shorter and more ragged, and her palms sweated as Angel moved closer. Still she wondered how it would feel to be held by those strong, caring arms. Would his touch be cold, or it would be as scorchingly, breath-takingly hot as it was in her every good dream? What would it be like to be his love, to have him wrapped all around her, to have him dedicating his soul and life to her instead of some blonde bitch who had certainly never deserved him as she'd sent him to Hell instead of really trying to save him?

What would it be like to be loved by her Angel, to feel his lips upon hers, to taste the sweet ecstasy of his kiss? Part of Cordelia feared that she would never know the answer to those questions that plagued her every moment, but she was already beginning to figure out that she'd never stop wondering or dreaming of him. She wasn't supposed to feel this way, but she couldn't help it. She'd tried. She'd used every trick known to womankind to get over the dashing Vampire Knight before her. She'd gone out with so many guys that she couldn't even remember all their names, and to be honest, she no longer tried because none of them were Angel.

She'd tried telling herself time and again of all the many, many reasons why she should never become involved with him. He was her boss; he was her best friend. A romance with her boss could end with her being fired, and, as much as she hated to admit it, she needed this job. A romance with her best friend could cost her that friend. Plus, if she lost Angel, she'd also lose Doyle, such as he was, and she'd be truly, completely alone again. A shudder usually passed through her every time she thought of being alone for she couldn't bare even the mere thought of that loneliness happening to her ever again, but this time, it didn't for Angel held her riveted as he moved closer.

Angel grinned, and Cordelia blinked, wondering if he'd somehow figured out her secret. He nodded then, and a warmth spread through her as he agreed simply and softly, "Yeah." She didn't know that he ached to touch her, too, as Doyle so brazenly did but feared she'd recoil from his touch in repulsion. His gaze spoke volumes to her, however, and burned her more thoroughly than any one else's touch ever had as he looked into her eyes.

She wondered, fleetingly, if he could see into her soul, if he could possibly know how deeply she cared for him, how truly she loved him, but then he was gone, walking pass her as though nothing had ever happened. Yet it had, Cordelia realized. She had finally gotten Angel's attention. He had acknowledged her bravery, a bravery she, as a pom-pom-pushing, rich-girl cheerleader wasn't even supposed to have.

She bounced on her feet, beaming as brilliantly as any sun or moon ever had, even as her beloved hero walked away. He had noticed her! The man, the Vampire, the hero she loved had noticed her, and he'd said she'd done well, which, of course, she had! "You're both right, of course," she said, grinning from ear to ear as she turned to her male companions. "I did do good tonight, and I think I deserve a reward! Who wants to take me shopping?"

She giggled as the guys groaned. They couldn't faze her tonight. Nothing could, not after what she'd just done and learned! Angel had looked at her! Her love had truly seen her at last! Cordelia laughed, her hazel eyes and beautiful smile dancing in pure delight and love. She wasn't supposed to feel this way, she admitted silently, but it certainly felt wonderful and she never wanted it to stop!

**The End**


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